Family, Friends and The Others- FAQs

I have found being open and honest with everyone is the easiest way to get past the awkward excuses and loneliness. If you have disordered eating habits it is bound to be noticed eventually. The more you try to hide it the worse it is for you and your family. When someone asks about your eating habbits just be honest. They are most likely concerned and when you lie you push them away. 

It takes a lot of courage to come out and admit it. Many times the reactions or responses you get will shock you. 9 out of 10 times people completely understand, or already had a hankering that something akin to it was going on. It is pure relief to admit and accept it and be accepted by others regaurdless. 

((And I know you- my little Ana's who worry that admitting to having disorded eating means that you must give it up. It doesn't. You are claiming it, you are owning it and taking control over it. You wont let  Ana RUN you, you can CONTROL Ana. And if you can control Ana, well then you have control and life may just get a little easier- a little happier <3 ))

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I am sharing the questions and my responses for all those who are curious. Maybe it can help a fellow ana or a concerned loved one understand the mindset behind disordered eating. 


FAQs from Family, Friends and the Others-


Why would you want to do that to yourself?


My inner response is always- Well you dye your hair when you want to change yourself, how come I can't change my eating habbits to change myself? Hair dye is just as hazardous and addicting....


then rationality takes over & I reply


I just do. We probably don't see this the same way. Disordered eating is a habbit/addiction. After you loose a little, you want to loose more. Like a drug, its hard to kick. All I see is pretty and thinness.... not starving, malnutrition or that I am harming myself. I am well aware this is an unhealthy habbit/addiction and that I am hurting myself but I try every day to do my best. 


(Many people understand addiction more than "eating disorders" and explaining that it is like an addiction often helps people understand that I just can't eat "normal").


Why would you want to loose weight? You are not fat!!!


Again my inner thoughts ramble on- YES yes YES I am! Then I really want to convince this person that I could easily loose more weight and then graphically show them the areas in which I think I could.


But I respond instead-


I don't and haven't felt comfortable with how I look. It doesnt matter how others percieve me, I see flaws. I feel flawed. And I am always thinking.... well I can change it. If I could just get rid of this flab here, and this little bump here that then I will be happy with myself. It isn't just my weight, it is many things. Everyone has insecurities I guess.


Don't you see that you are hurting everyone who loves you by hurting yourself?


Inner thoughts- **gulp** 


This question always makes me emotional but I reply as honestly as I can.


- Yes I can see that now but I didn't see it that way at first. I don't want to hurt myself. I don't want to hurt anyone.


(the typical response to my response)


So why dont you just eat? Why can't you eat for the sake of everyone who loves you? Are you that selfish?


I always answer back with a question- Do you think about every bad thing you do to yourself is hurting someone else? Over eating when you are over weight, texting and driving, smoking, drinking alcohol in excess, high risk activities? Everytime I eat or don't eat I am overwhelmed with SO many other thoughts that everyone elses feelings fall to the waste side. Yes ocassionaly I will eat to make someone else happy, but that doesn't help me at all. I need to eat to make myself happy not everyone else. It is not being selfish it is me working on myself. I can not work on myself if I have to focus on everyone elses thoughts and feelings. I already feel very shameful and guilty with out adding everyone elses emotions to it. To be honest, thinking about my parents worring about me keeps me up at night. It makes my skin crawl. It makes me hate myself more....  


*HATE that question... 


When do you think you will get better?


I dont know. I would like to say I will get better, but some days this creeps back up with out me even noticing it. I can go all day eat 3 meals and plenty of snacks and still be under the required calories for the day. There are other days where I just don't eat unintentionally. I try every day. Sometimes I just forget. It isn't always a conscious thing. Other days it hits like the plague and I am aware that I am restricting calories and being unhealthy and I just can't seem to stop myself. I try. Thats all I can do. I try. 




What caused it? When did it start?


Inside my thoughts race for an answer. I want to say always. Always. I have always felt not good enough. I have always felt imperfect. 


But I know this isnt the true answer or the answer they are looking for so I say


- I don't know. I never decided to have disordered eating habbits, I developed them when I tried to loose weight to be healthier and to be more comfortable in my own skin. I wanted to wear certain clothes, feel comortable in a bathing suit and fit in. I never thought I would create a mental illness for myself. I watched what I ate early in high school. I would say that the unhealthy eating habbits developed later in high school and worsened in college. When I graduated I had nothing else to focus on and that is when I hit an ultimate low. I know that I used it as a daily distraction. All day I let it consume my thoughts because it was easier to worry about calories than about dating, friends and school work. Counting calories, planning meals, researching weightloss, vitamins, excerising, weighing myself, weighing my food..... was all a distraction. It kept my mind focused and off of everything I didn't want to think about. When I graduated and had nothing else to think about it became my life. 


How could you go so long with out eating enough? Didn't it hurt?


Inner thoughts say, it was easy. I could do it every day! 


Back to reality---


The effects slip in slowly. I ate enough that I wouldn't feel hunger but I wouldn't eat enough calories. I never felt physical pain yet my body did suffer. I lost hair, my horomones went completely out of whack, I had insomnia follwed by hypersomnia, I had more moods swings than a toddler, I would feel dizzy, light headed.... the list goes on. I waived it all off. It did not happen over night and I became used to it.


Are any of your friends Anorexic?


Inner thoughts... LOL!! yes all my friends are anorexic. Am I incapable of having other friends? lol!


really-


NO! I have many friends and only one has had an eating disorder. My one and only friend that has had an disordered eatting didn't tell me about it until I told her about mine. I think it is a common misperception that groups of friends become anorexic together. I did this all on my own! No one pulled me into this hole, I dug it myself. 




This was just what I could think of at this moment. If you have a question that you would like answered publicly or privately feel free to email anorexicblogger@ gmail.com


As always I will update!